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fear
Most of us are living in fear of our darker emotions. And why wouldn’t we, when our culture and media are telling us that our ideal state is one of constantly being happy and productive? And if we aren’t, then hey, here’s a solution to help you BECOME constantly happy and productive.
We are being called towards progress. Our own progress, individual and societal. Will we answer the call? Will you?
Perfectionism is an artificially created disease of constant doing. A delusion that we as humans have a godlike purpose to create a world that doesn’t already exist. An obsessive belief that we are here to fix something that isn’t broken.
Something’s been on my mind this year. Something dark and heavy. It’s been crushing my skull down into the ground with its painful, menacing force, threatening to flood my sight with darkness, my mind with hopelessness, and wrap its cold slithering fingers around my throat tight until it squeezes the life out of me.
I’ve always been a goal oriented person. I learnt how to decide what to focus on, and then focus on it so pointedly, blocking out all distractions until the goal had been achieved. Only to move onto the next goal.You can read a ton of articles about how positive thinking helps you become more productive, and it’s true — focusing on what you can change and ignoring what you can’t is a great way to make progress without distraction.
It's not an easy thing to admit to people who care about you, even though you realise at some point that you had better tell them before it's too late and they find themselves wishing they had done something.
It's not the first time I've felt this way. And somehow I don't think it will be the last.
The feeling of failure is so deeply wired in us as being “wrong” or “bad” that it keeps us from playing, experimenting, trying new things. We are wired to think in black and white, in safety in numbers, in not sticking out of the crowd by being the anomaly.
Fear is a funny thing. As much as you want it to go away, it actually reveals your underlying beliefs. When you fear something, you deeply (probably unconsciously) believe that something has the power to hurt you. Whether it’s a spider, falling from a height, or being left by a man that you have opened yourself up to, or even being left alone in the world while everyone else is busy with their families.
We have this fabricated notion etched into our brains that work and real life are all about discomfort, and holiday and breaks are all about comfort. We have this notion implanted into us that real work entails production and generating financial capital, and deep inner work is a luxury afforded to those who have earned the freedom to play after putting in their time, across a lifetime or even generations.
I’m standing at the very bottom of a deep and dark valley. Deep. Dark. Vast. I feel tiny. I know where I came from, the mountain I scaled to get here looms behind me, so far in the distance now, it's dwarved by time.
We live in a world where you are known for what you believe in, and as you get closer to your own truth, you may lose some people along the way. This is actually great. Who wants followers or friends that don’t believe in us, anyway?
What would it really take to make America great again? Maybe the problem isn’t Trump, but the dream that the American people don’t want to wake up from. The same dream that never comes true for them, president after president.
